The wallet blues

It happened again this morning. I spent nearly 15 minutes looking for my wallet, and when my wife joined the challenge, she found it in 15 seconds. It’s one of the less original tropes in my household: I can take forever to look for something that my wife will then find in an instant.

My question is, why can’t I laugh at this? Instead of stewing at my inadequacies, why can’t I find the cheap humor in it, you know, like it’s Drabble or something? As my wife handed me the wallet, explained where it was and moved on with her day, I stood there, shaking my head, wanting to laugh but not being able to.

Somehow, this explains a lot about me, I think.

  • Anonymous

    I hear the key to a good marriage is to have it parallel those in domestic sitcoms. 

    “Everybody loves Jon”

    “All in the Weismans”

    “Weisman Improvement”

    “According to Jon”

    “King of West L.A.”

    • http://www.trolleydodger.com/ Robert Daeley

       Chico and the Weisman? ;D

    • Anonymous

      Probably all great shows but I couldn’t find any of them.  Maybe my wife can help.

  • Anonymous

    Absent-mindedness. The example you have provided is nothing to be embarrassed about. I can think of far worse from my own experience, but the one incident I am thinking of really is too embarrassing to reveal.

  • Anonymous

    In our house, it’s keys or, alternatively, the dog’s leash.

    • Anonymous

      Even more dangerously, the dog’s keys.

      • Anonymous

         That’s what worries the postman.

  • http://twitter.com/jLo719 Jessica LoGuercio

    Roseanne Barr stated it years ago, and it’s true to this day in our house….”The Uterus is a Tracking Device”

    • Anonymous

      actually she said “Why do men think the ………”

  • Anonymous

    You’ll find the humor in it when you recognize the things that you find second nature, but your wife can’t ever remember from one day to the next.  Like the infield fly rule, or some such valuable piece of information. 

    • Anonymous

      On a 12-hour hike across West Falkland, I gave my wife the definitive explanation of the DH heresy, of which she remembers nothing today.

      • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

        you’re lucky you’re still married

        • Anonymous

           Actually, she asked me to keep talking, to distract her from her aching feet.

          • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

            dang smart girl. how’d you trick her into the marriage thing

        • Anonymous

          She does still realize that the DH was and is a travesty.

  • Anonymous

    I usually ask my wife “Where have you hidden….?”

  • Anonymous

    Hey!  My ride to the games is decked out in Dodger blue!  Check it out: http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm122/nsxtcjr/Other/100_0078b.jpg

    Amtrak’s not running today due to track construction, but I’ll be able to take the train home after the game on Thursday.  I’m hoping there isn’t another 5-hour 12-inning game on getaway day; I wouldn’t want to miss another five-run rally in order to catch the train!

    • Anonymous

       106 forecast on wedensday.  I salute your fandom.

      • Anonymous

        Me too. Fortunately I can watch the game on ESPN in my air-conditioned home. It will be 100+ here near Vegas too.

        • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

          when i was in phoenix i took the train to the game. it was 108 outside but inside the stadium it was a comfortable 78. 

    • Anonymous

      I envy you your enthusiasm. 

  • Anonymous

    Back to baseball…  According to MLBTR, 
    The Phillies and Dodgers have discussed Shane Victorino, Morosi reports (onTwitter). However, there’s no momentum toward a deal at this point. I’m all for it. Give up Gwynn, Abreu, or Rivera… or all three…

    • Anonymous

       I’d be for it, too, though that’s the last thing we need positionally.

      • Anonymous

        Does he have a 3B glove?

        • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

          fixing the left field hole with a good major leaguer would be a big plus. just because it’s not the biggest gaping hole doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be a giant boost for the team.

          • Anonymous

            We have an average-to-good LF, Hairston.

            We have smoking wreckage on the infield corners.

            Anyhow, Shane can play left, so I wouldn’t complain.

          • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

            perhaps. but there are far more options to fix left field than there are 3b. you fix what you can. praying for chase headley doesn’t help much.

          • Anonymous

            Hairston’s OPS is 75 points higher this year and OPS+ is 26 points higher. Victorino does lead the salary derby by 7 million+

          • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

             i havent given up on hairston at 3b. i think we were all impressed before the flurry of bad throws. uribe is defensive replacement.

    • Anonymous

      Phils already had Abreu once.  Getting rid of him led to two straight pennants.  

      • Anonymous

        Can’t get rid of somebody until you get him first.

    • Anonymous

       Some Dodger fans really hate Victorino, but I wouldn’t object.

      • Anonymous

        Some fans of (29 teams other than the Phillies) really hate Victorino.

        • Anonymous

          Though I wouldn’t consider him a high priority, he would be a major improvement over everybody except Kemp and Ethier in the Dodger outfield.

    • Anonymous

      Victorino 2012 stats: 253/317/387
      on the road:              237/295/394
      against RHP:            232/292/326
      I wouldn’t take him for no return to the Phils unless they paid at least 2/3′s of the almost $4 million he is still due this year.

  • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

    All I can say Mr. W. is you better get use to it. and in a couple years you’ll remember fondly the days when it was only your keys you couldn’t find.

  • http://www.dodgerthoughts.com/ Jon Weisman
    • Anonymous

      Rosenthal has this on Twitter too.
      As does ESPN Chicago

  • Anonymous

    “The Philadelphia Phillies and pitcher Cole Hamels’ representatives expect to ramp up the pace of contract talks this week as they approach what a source said is a “sensitive” stage of negotiations”
    So does it hurt when I do this Cole? How about this? 

    Is Ruben Amaro, Jr. asking Cole Hamels if it’s safe?

    • Anonymous

       If it’s a matter of having one big, expensive name this summer, Cole would probably be my top choice.  I’d like to have Lilly back by fall, too, though it may be too late for him to rehab and come up. 

      The nice thing about the new wildcard structure is that we’ll have the better pitcher in any case for the entirety of that “series”.

      • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

        cole ain’t going nowhere

        • Anonymous

          I tend to agree

        • Anonymous

          So he is going somewhere?

        • Anonymous

          He may accept the Phillies generous offer but if he doesn’t they would be crazy not to trade him; and it is said that he wants 7 years and Amaro is resistant.

          • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

            Cole ain’t going nowhere

    • Anonymous

      They must be at the tip of the negotiations, since the tip is the most sensitive part. 

  • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

    it will be very interesting to see what the cubs got for dempster. see how the new rule affects the transaction

    • Anonymous

      Rumor has it Randall Delgado.

      • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

        interesting. seems like a reasonable cost if you believe the playoffs are the most important thing at this point. and he’s not the second coming of spaun (sp). i wonder who he compares to on the Dodgers. 

        • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

          people seem to think delgado is more well thought of than EO. that’s quite a commitment by the braves if it’s true.

           I sure hope EO continues his development and shuts up some folk. 

          • Anonymous

            I agree.  Personally, I’ve been impressed by Eovaldi.  The kid has earned his spot on the roster, though he still has some maturing and learning ahead of him.

          • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

            your position of respect on this site will come into question if you keep agreeing with me. knock it off if you know what’s good for you.

          • Anonymous

            He made significant progress on shutting me up in his last start.

            I just hate getting beaten so badly in Frisco.

  • Anonymous

    http://www.baseballprospectus.com/odds/

    A little surprised BP still has us at 26% after Kemp’s emphatic return.

    • foul tip

      BP still may be emphatic about 1B and 3B.

       

      • Anonymous

         Lol, the ghost in the machine.  Yeah, the BP superdupermontecarlo computer also isn’t a fan.

  • Anonymous

    In my home we call it “man blindness”  – I am the female of the house – and luckily it makes us both laugh every time it happens.
    I have my own crosses to bear – like getting anywhere without getting totally lost.

  • foul tip

    Currently I’m missing one set of car keys.  My problem is I sometimes
    deliberately put them (and other small things) in a different place than
    usual and tell myself I’ll remember it because it’s different.

    Yeah, right.  I call it outsmarting myself.  Normally I’m not a slow learner.  But sometimes…

     

  • Terry Austin

    I think that’s a writer’s lot, Jon, to be so preoccupied with stories and/or lost in one’s imagination that the everyday stuff becomes too difficult to keep in focus. My wife also hates it when she starts a new conversation and I inevitably respond to her first sentence with, “What?” It’s not my hearing that needs checking; it’s my connection to the real world.

  • Anonymous

    I just concluded a wild search for my glasses. My wife found them on top of the refrigerator. My wife never misplaces her glasses. 

    However, she doesn’t wear glasses.

    • Anonymous

      There are only two places for my glasses and my billfold which makes them easy to find.  Nightstand or nose/pocket respectively.

      On the other hand, my wife thinks the reason I can’t find something in the refrigerator and she can is that I open the door and expect to have what I am looking for fall out and she doesn’t.

      • Anonymous

        One of our cars has a keyless system.  My wife had her keybob fall out of her pocket and couldn’t immediately find it.  It was in the car so the car wouldn’t lock.  Not only that, anybody could have gotten in the car and pushed the start button and it would have started because again, her keybob was in the car.

        When I came home from work the next day she asked me why didn’t I leave my keybob for her.  That was her refrigerator moment and I had some glee in my voice as I asked her how that would have helped and she immediately recognized the quality of her question. 

  • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

    zack lee for Garza. how do you like that one boys and girls. that should get some folk fired up.

  • Anonymous

    Jim Bowden (take it for what it is worth) saying the Cubs are looking for Zack Lee in exchange for Matt Garza.

    Please NO!

    • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

      interesting stuff. I think a reasonable person could make the argument that it’s more likely than not that Zack Lee will never be as good at Garza.

      • Anonymous

        Classic debate of prospect vs. established player.  If the Dodgers are to move a quality prospect like Lee, they should fill a more pressing need than #3 or #4 starter.

        • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

          zack is not a quality major league pitcher. he’s a quality pitching prospect with question marks. i would put Garza as a no. 3. his numbers are not bad at all by any measure.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ElJefedor Jeffrey Thomas III

      Cubs fans in the MLBTR comments don’t seem to like the idea. One even insisting we throw in Eovaldi as well. Which I believe is insane.

    • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

      ok you’ll be able to disagree with this one.

      i trade zack lee for Garza in a heart beat. then trade c bills and cash to Minn for Josh W.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with you that I disagree.  Lee is a prospect and as such his value is undetermined at the ML level.  Since the current Dodger’s need is not a #3, I don’t see him moving for one. If the Dodgers have a need for a starting pitcher, like they do for 3B, LF, and 1B, then I have no problem giving up Lee for a player that would represent more than a “rental”

    • foul tip

      Theo appears to have a Lee fixation, if reports are accurate that the Dempster to Dodgers deal fell through because LA wouldn’t give him Lee.

      • Anonymous

        it is not a fixation since Lee is, on paper, so much more valuable than any of our other prospects. That’s why he got over $5 million in bonus iirc

        l

        • foul tip

           Maybe holding out for Lee, or accepting only Lee from the Dodgers for any Cub is better than “fixation.”

          Think I saw somewhere that some baseball people feel Gould has the best pure stuff in our system.  Heard his name mentioned in the Dempster rumor mill, but it didn’t happen.

  • Anonymous

    Men and women, Jon.

    Got tickets to AT&T tonight, though not a friend to be found who could loan me a padres cap.  This makes me feel better about my friends.

    Go Bills, keep that rock rolling.

    • KT

      I got a San Diego T-shirt from opening day and a rally towel from previous years games

      • Anonymous

        Very nice.

        I’ve been building a collection of hats and shirts of teams around the league, though San Diego is missing.  Always find it fun to wear the colors opposing the Giants.

    • Anonymous

       Cheer the Madres on!

      • Anonymous

        Loudly.

  • Anonymous

    Anyone else going to try to watch MIL/Phil?

    Whichever team loses that series is basically done for the year.

  • foul tip

    Saw where Daniel Murphy went 9 for 11 in the weekend series.

    Suggest the Dodgers drop the page on how to pitch him out of the notebook….or maybe offer it free of charge to the team 400 miles to the north.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jim-Hitchcock/1676059435 Jim Hitchcock

    I spent 15 minutes around 2:00 AM this morning looking for my remote control. Finally found it in the trash container near by bed.

    I’m fairly sure it was trying to escape,

  • Anonymous

    I don’t understand why the Phillies would be sellers.  So far this year, they are the 3rd most underperforming team according to 3rd-order Pythagorean standings.  That is, they’ve been unlucky in terms of converting hits and walks, etc. into runs and in converting runs and run-prevention into wins, and they’ve played a tougher than average schedule so far.  Plus, that doesn’t account for having played the first half without Utley, Howard, and for part of that time, Halladay.  Now they’re healthy, and with a reversion to the mean on luck (or even a string of good luck) they’ll make a big run.  With 2 WCs, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see both come out of the East.

    Incidentally, the Dodgers are the 3rd most OVER-performing team in baseball so far.  Part of the reason is that they’re #1 in scoring guys from 3rd base with less than 2 outs.  And part of it is that the 1st half schedule was among the easiest in the NL.  Of course, getting Kemp and Ethier back is huge, but a return to normal luck will attenuate those “additions.”  Banked wins are banked wins, but the team should expect some regression.

    By far the “luckiest” teams so far is Baltimore.  They’re 6 games over .500 and “should be” 11 under.

     

    http://www.baseballprospectus.com/standings/index.php?dispgroup=div&standings_sort=d3

    • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

      i really hate luck stats

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Terry-Pruett/1707390003 Terry Pruett

      I don’t know…perhaps we should just play the games and see how they come out :)

    • Anonymous

      first of all Baltimore is 7 over; The link you provided has 3 “should be’s” plus 2 others called “hit lists”
      MLB standings has Baltimore at 9 under based on runs scored and runs allowed. Baltimore has had lots of trouble with their rotation; obviously just one pitcher giving up large #’s of runs can make these expected calculations not very useful esp. if that pitcher is after 15 or so starts sent to AAA.
      MLB has the Dodgers tied for 5th with 5 other teams with 2 wins more than expected.
      The Dodgers schedule is easy mainly because we play SD and Colo so often (also we had Seattle in inter-league) that will continue.

  • http://www.dodgerthoughts.com/ Jon Weisman

    The Phillies are like a comic-book villain – hard to believe they’re dead even after you’ve killed them the first few times. 

    • http://veryolddodgerfan.blogspot.com/ veryolddodgerfan

      the phillies management would throw games just so they could sell off Shane

      • foul tip

         What?

  • http://www.dodgerthoughts.com/ Jon Weisman

    Farewell, Frank Pierson – a big loss in film and TV  http://bit.ly/PBrcR7

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=713935344 Jason Ungar

    If Lee is gonna be what it takes to trade for someone with impact then I say wait for it to be a hitter. 

    • Anonymous

      I say do not trade Lee

  • Anonymous

    My wife always says”I bet you had a boy look’ and proceeds to find the item immediately

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Terry-Pruett/1707390003 Terry Pruett

    Great moments in absent mindedness: I once walked around the entire circumference of the Forum for 2 hours trying to find my car while enduring cutting remarks from my then girlfriend…and then remembered that it was in the Hollywood Park lot. Anyway…

    …Trades, Trades, Trades…I’m not really convinced we’re going to get anything done…not for lack of trying, but for sheer lack of trading ammunition. It’s just hard to believe that any team is excited enough about Zach Lee or Garret Gould to provide the Dodgers with a truly impactful bat. We’re going to have to take on salary to make anything happen. And yes folks, that means Alfonso Soriano, Justin Morneau, or someone similar. Personally, I’d like to see Alfonso Soriano get about 250 AB’s for the Dodgers the rest of the year…it’s not my money, and I’m always surprised that some of my commenting colleagues act like it’s THEIRS :) The man is 36, and plays the outfield like Joe Hardy AFTER the devil gave his soul back, but he’s got a 118 OPS+ and 18 dingers, which constitutes a major improvement on the raw sewage we’re trotting out there (we need Hairston to play 3rd).

    My first choice would be Josh Willingham, but I think there will be a long line in front of us to get him. But the main point is: the only truly valuable thing the Dodgers have is their presumed ability to eat contracts…and unless the decision is made that standing pat is good enough, that’s what we’re going to have to do.

    • Anonymous

      How about Lee and Gould for Garza and Soriano with the Cubs paying the majority of Soriano’s contract?  Now there is a structure I could live with.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Terry-Pruett/1707390003 Terry Pruett

        I like it.

      • Anonymous

        I’d rather try for Vernon Wells. He’s due about $48M in the next two and a half seasons; If the Angels would eat half, I’d give them a prospect for him.

        • foul tip

          And according to a story I saw lately, he’s resigned to the fact he’s not going to play regularly for them from here on out.  He’d likely love to go where he could.

          They definitely have an outfielder surplus.

          • Anonymous

             Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

    • foul tip

       ”while enduring cutting remarks from my then girlfriend.”

      You didn’t say how she got home.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Terry-Pruett/1707390003 Terry Pruett

        Icy quiet ride home…dropped her off a block from her front door and made her walk home while following her from a distance to make sure she was ok. The relationship….uhhh…ended.

  • foul tip

    Si.com pictorial look at memorable deadline trades.  Several involve Dodgers, as you’d think.

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0707/mlb.Best.Deadline.Deals/content.1.html?sct=mlb_bf4_a4

  • KT

    Always keep my wallet and keys in my pants…never lose them
     
    Jon did you ever think that maybe she left the keys where she found them just to test you? ^_^

    • http://www.dodgerthoughts.com/ Jon Weisman

       I’m guessing your pants must be pretty dirty by now if you never change or wash them.

      • KT

        No I do wash every week and I include the several pairs of pants that I wear
         
        I guess it the military training in me but I know what I’m going to wear the next day so as I take off my pants I transfer everything in the pockets from 1 pair to the other except for the phone holders which I only have 2 and I transfer every other day

        • http://www.dodgerthoughts.com/ Jon Weisman

           I have a place where I leave my keys and wallet every night. But once in a while, the system isn’t followed.

          • KT

            my problem is paperwork…I’ll take it with me throughout the house set it down to do something then have to backtrack…I try to have a system for that also as with you it doesn’t always work

  • http://www.dodgerthoughts.com/ Jon Weisman

    Tonight’s lineup:
    Abreu 7
    Ellis 4
    Kemp 8
    Ethier 9
    Rivera 3
    Kennedy 5
    Cruz 6
    Ellis 2
    Billingsley 1

  • Anonymous

    Keys , wallet, cellphone, etc. I know the feeling of frustration both in losing the item and not being able to laugh at it. Could be worse. Could be like the townspeople in 100 Years of Solitude.

  • http://www.dodgerthoughts.com/ Jon Weisman

    Dempster tweeted, “there is no trade.”

  • http://www.linkmeister.com/wordpress/ Linkmeister

    I have a new used Mini. It’s my first car with a key fob. Unfortunately, I can’t make the thing lock/unlock wirelessly. The dealership wants $167 to replace it with one that works.

    Welcome to German-built cars, I guess.

    • KT

      I thought the mini was british

      My charger key costs the same

      • http://www.linkmeister.com/wordpress/ Linkmeister

        The make is British, but it was bought by BMW before it was reintroduced, and when that happened it was manufactured by BMW workers in BMW plants.

        • KT

          So that’s why or keys are about the same price…My car has Mercedes Benz Parts

          • http://www.linkmeister.com/wordpress/ Linkmeister

            Probably.

            I just looked it up and learned something. While BMW owns and makes the Mini, it’s still principally manufactured in England at an historic production site called Plant Oxford: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plant_Oxford

          • KT

            That’s where my brother-in-law bought his …He tracked it through assembly and shipping

            My sister loves her mini

            Me I like the bigger engine…I have a 5.7 hemi…love the power

  • http://www.dodgerthoughts.com/ Jon Weisman

    NPUT

  • John Blanchard

    The irony, Jon: Krusty tells him that the pie gag is only funny if “the sap’s got
    dignity.” From “Brother from Another Series” season 8 of the Simpsons. You’re Sideshow Bob.